Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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