She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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