At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
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What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
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Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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