He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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