and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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