i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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