Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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