someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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