he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize