Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize