I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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