yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
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She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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