I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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