I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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