So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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