with your own penis?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Pants are for mortals
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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