You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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