all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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