I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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