If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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