you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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