I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize