i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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