That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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