my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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