I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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