Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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