Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize