I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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