apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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