Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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