What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
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you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
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Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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