Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize