I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
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I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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