yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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