Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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