____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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