My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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