I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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