So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
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Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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