he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
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The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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