I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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