It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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