she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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