used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
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Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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