If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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