The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The air was thick with penises
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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