i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
wow bdsm is so cute
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