I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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