I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize